I first met the delightful Vaysh in The Enchantments of Flesh and Spirit, where he has been assigned the happy task of wiping Pell’s ass for him, as at the time Pell was a little on the invalid side of things. As time progressed, I noticed that Vaysh has an intense, negative reaction to anyone who tries to reach him, and make a connection, be it via conversation or physical touch. This intrigued me. What would cause a har, a creature who needs the exchanging of essence and energy with others to survive and thrive, to be so opposed to even speaking with other hara? After traveling in the otherlanes with Pell, I saw a glimpse of the true Vaysh, one who laughs and smiles. So why is he hiding this from others? Why has he chosen to push others away from him?

The answer is simple. Vaysh is coping. This is his way of surviving, and while some may think that he’s doing a rather shitty job of it, it’s the best he can do given his rather extreme circumstances. Vaysh has chosen to push those away before they will chose to push him away. He has placed a barrier between himself and his emotions so that he can function.

Vaysh is a freak two times over. Born a human male, he was then transformed into a har, both male and female. A human boy now capable of conceiving and giving birth to a child. He was happy, though. He had a chesna bond with Ashmael. But Thiede ripped it all away from him. He died, and suddenly found himself reborn, raped by an elemental Thiede. He recovered from the experience, but only to find himself barren inside. Other hara considered him an abomination — the dead should stay dead. What har would want to be with a freak who is not only infertile, but one who is the walking dead? Nohar would.

To deal with this, and to deal with the loss of Ashmael, Vaysh constructed a wall of ice about himself. He became haughty, a royal bitchy ass. But it isn’t the true Vaysh. The true Vaysh alternates between joy and deep sorrow. He is only able to show his true self, and take aruna with, Pellaz, who knows and understands the type of pain he feels from the loss of his partner and the stigma of one who walks yet should be dead.

So this is why I love the Vaysh. He’s both simple, and terribly complex. He’s a sullen, cold bitch, but deep down, he’s desperate for some snuggly lovin’ and someone who will accept him despite his physical imperfections. Perhaps one day he’ll reconcile with Ashmael, and will be sure enough with himself to shed his defenses and truly live again. In the meantime, I shall wave little flags and offer to hug him.